2016 retrospective

I mean, where to I even begin to look back on 2016? I am not sure I can even put words to how hard it was.


My great joy from the year is that Sibyl was born and showed us her sweet growing self. She learned how to show us her tongue on Saturday, the same day as the Women's march.

What a great way to begin 2017. The march, I mean, but also Sibyl's tongue. I hadn't planned to go to the march, mostly because I am afraid of being shot. Seeing how huge the turnout was all over the world made me wish to be at the march in Denver, though. Instead I took Sibyl to the pediatrician for an urgent care visit. She had been up the entire previous night coughing and with a high fever. The poor baby. Iris had a 3-hour nap on Saturday, I assume she was fighting the same germs.

Fever nap

Three-hour nap

I am scheduled to go to San Francisco this week, two nights away. Just to make sure that I'll feel terrible leaving, Evan managed to incapacitate himself and will certainly need surgery. My dad is here for a meeting on Tuesday and will stay to help.

Knee injury. Will need surgery.

Iris started a new dance class on Sunday. Watching these girls grow makes my heart burst.

My hopes for 2017 are all about reconnecting with my "self" and my "selfhood." Evan gave me a series of six massages for Christmas, one of which I have used already. It would be nice to begin a regular exercise regime and meditation practice. Iris has started listening to a mindfulness for kids cd every night so one easy way to begin is to listen to some part of that with her. She listens to Sitting Still Like a Frog. 

Oh, and I'm defending my dissertation February 15. I can't believe that is happening. I started the PhD program in 2010. What a long road it's been.

farewell 2014

I have been resisting the writing of this end-of-year post. Perhaps in part because it's hard to remember what was happening a year ago. I look through my photos from the past year and I see lots of smiles, lots of family trips, and a few trips to the hospital. But I can't really get a grip on what 2014 was. Maybe this sense of disorientation is just a ripple effect: the year ended with a thud. The ACTA2 news has overshadowed most of what I remember about 2014.

I can say that -- on the whole -- 2014 was better than 2013. I think Evan would agree with me that we end the year with an increasing sense of being settled. I defended my dissertation proposal, I started a new job that I love, Evan still loves his job, we are both committed to having more fun and getting outdoors as much as possible. Meditation is creeping into our lives. And, perhaps best of all, Iris has started sleeping through the night, for real. I'm giddy with excitement at the prospect of future nights of fully restful sleep.

As I look ahead to 2015... I mostly see me turning 35. Yikes. But well before that, I see many trips to the hospital, many tests, and many conversations about what lies ahead for Iris. We now have an idea of the road we're on, and we know we are at the beginning.

july fun

Evan's birthday falls very close to Independence Day, so the first weekend in July was full of fun, in spite of Evan's recent claim that, "We never have any fun, ever." This may be true, but I don't think it's for lack of trying. It may also be true that we have trouble prioritizing fun in our family. In any case, I sought to right the funlessness, if just for an afternoon. Evan did his part by eating enough to have extra energy for the outing, and even took extra B vitamins.

Our nanny watched Iris so Evan and I could go out (I haven't mentioned the new nanny yet, right? I'll say more later). We loaded up our bikes and went to South Pearl Street to have a meditative foot bath at the drop-in meditation center and then we rode bikes through Wash Park on our way to dinner. We were both fully relaxed and happy to be out in the summer weather together.


For the Fourth of July, we went to our neighbor's house for a cookout and had a good time being in a new place, and meeting new people. Iris had a bit of a meltdown early in the evening so we went home and made sure she ate and drank well. She still hasn't seen fireworks in her lifetime, this may be a parenting fail.

The weather has been terribly hot and we've all been suffering from the lack of air conditioning in the house. Our rooms are upstairs in the hottest part of the house. Thankfully, Evan installed a portable air conditioner that is doing wonders for us all. Our first night with it wasn't spectacular, however. Iris was up needing milk a couple times and then got cold early in the morning. Hope springs eternal, though. Maybe tonight she'll sleep better.

I hired a nanny about a month ago so that I could actually make progress on my dissertation. She is in massage therapy school and has a daughter of her own. She is great with Iris and is teaching Iris more sign language. I usually work from our home office but lately the work has been more related to dealing with health insurance and oxygen issues, rather than my own dissertation work. I absolutely need the free time to deal with the pile of bills.

early thanksgiving

Evan's family came in to town last weekend for an early Thanksgiving. We managed to keep Teresa and Montie from doing much work on the house. I enjoyed having the house so full -- we had Garrett in the guest room, Katherine and Jeremy's kids in the living room and Katherine and Jeremy upstairs in the meditation room. Montie & Teresa stayed at a hotel nearby.

Nonna Teresa with her three grandkids

Iris had tons of people to play with and things to watch. She loved meeting her cousins and aunt and uncles.

David, Iris, and Emma reading books

David, Iris, and Emma

It did take her a while to warm up to Garrett. His big beard really terrified her but after a day or two she was having fun with him -- especially when he sang to her. It was fun to see Garrett with a baby, it's a more tender side of him I don't often see. He was very good at trying to calm her down and keep her happy.

Iris, Uncle Garrett and Iris's favorite toy -- the star

On Saturday, we took the whole gang up to Mt. Falcon park, which is the closest mountain area to our house. Sunday was our Thanksgiving meal, Monday we went to a local playground and then to the Museum of Nature & Science.

The girls -- Sarah, Teresa, Iris, Katherine, Emma

The boys - Montie, Garrett, Jeremy, Evan, David

On Tuesday everyone had taken off except for Garrett. We took him to the Colorado History museum (a bit of a disappointment) and then for lunch at City O' City. Evan suggested that we take him there because it was close to the museum. We forgot that it was a vegetarian restaurant. Taking Garrett to a vegetarian restaurant is like taking him to church. He suffered through it. Luckily, we went to Root Down for dinner, which was a smashing success. We also dropped in to the Wynkoop Brewing Company, which was started by John Hickenlooper, Colorado's current governor and Denver's former mayor.

We had Iris with us all day on Tuesday, meaning she was out of the house for 7 hours. She did really well although getting her to breastfeed in the car was a bit of a hassle. She has been extending the time between nursing sessions and it has been making me nervous. I don't like her going 4 hours without nursing. I weighed Iris earlier this week -- she is 15lbs 7oz. She still hasn't doubled her birth weight, but is keeping on her 25th percentile growth curve.

Garrett asked me whether motherhood was all I had hoped and dreamed it would be. I had a hard time answering that question because I don't remember what I had thought it would be, except that I thought it would be way easier. From what I can recollect of what I thought motherhood would be, it is way better than expected. Even with all the things that we've had to deal with, everything that Iris does is that much more special considering the immense challenges we've had to go through. I'll always worry that I'm not doing enough or that I'm doing something wrong, and it seems very likely that she'll end up just fine. I am not sure what Evan would say about fatherhood and whether is has been what he expected. He adores Iris and loves to make her laugh. I can say for certain that even before all of Iris's medical issues were discovered, Evan decided he wanted never to have a newborn baby in the house again -- too much sleep deprivation. I am hopeful that Iris and I will be able to change his mind in the coming years.

Katherine asked us about what we wanted to steer Iris towards/away. There are many things we want to steer her toward and away from but one of the more important ideas for me is that she should have an understanding of how she can influence the world around her. I want her to volunteer and see how she might be a positive force in society. She'll likely grow up not eating much meat -- neither of us will prepare it for her at home, anyway. We want to teach her to meditate, do yoga -- things that I actually have to start doing again. I suppose my overarching goal for her is to learn what it means to be healthy and to live healthfully and then to do it.