Daddy-Daughter Staycation

Evan here. I’m writing this during our first daddy-daughter staycation. When I texted this event to a friend, my phone autocorrected the last word to “starvation.” Funny, but also a helpful reminder of my priorities.

We were to go on a nice family vacation to State College, PA. Sarah was to defend her proposal Friday morning, and then we were to vacate with old friends until Monday, when we were to fly back to Denver. We made plans with friends and were excited to see them and to introduce them to the new and improved Iris. But Iris made other plans. Terrible, painful gas and constipation started on Tuesday, thanks probably to the remission of a stomach virus, some dietary changes we’d made in response, and possibly also the end of her steroid burst. Her pain and discomfort continued until Sarah left for the airport Thursday afternoon, alone, after we had decided that she (and we) couldn’t fly in this condition. I’m exaggerating a bit – mild discomfort continued until she labored through a sizeable blockage late Thursday night.

I’m happy to report that no one’s starving and that we’re having a great time. We went for a bike ride this morning, and we played in the backyard this afternoon.

About the decision to cancel the trip, some thoughts:

On Wednesday night I mentioned the unthinkable possibility that I might need to stay with Iris while Sarah made the trip alone. Sarah was incredulous and considered it impossible on two fronts:

1. That the stars could misalign so perfectly as to keep her away from Iris for such a long time.
2. That someone other than Sarah would act as Iris’ primary caregiver for such a long time.

These were existential worries, catastrophized rather than calmly reasoned. As Thursday morning progressed, our discussion of this possibility became more serious, and I set to work convincing Sarah and myself that it would work. “It will be great! Daddy-daughter weekend!”

When unforeseen forces force big plans to change (including vacations), sometimes I like to exaggerate the arguments in favor of change. This is a coping mechanism intended to make life easier. (Full disclosure: sometimes in these situations I exaggerate the arguments in favor of not changing – which makes life harder. Sarah is probably laughing at me now in her loving way, thinking that I exaggerate everything.) In this scenario I exaggerated how great it would be mostly because I needed convincing. No doubt I was nervous, and for a few reasons.

First, having not had full care of Iris for such a long period, I was simply a little wary of the increased responsibility. Till now, whenever I’m ostensibly caring for Iris, Sarah offers guidance before I’m even aware that guidance is needed.

Second, and more worrying: were we making the right decision? Were a few hours of discomfort on a plane and in the airport system enough to cancel a family vacation? By about 11am – an hour before needing to leave for the airport – it was clear that she was on the mend gastrointestinally, but the blogosphere’s fear-mongering made us worry about an “obstruction” more than was probably necessary. And WWTMIPWLTBD? (What Would The Mythical Ideal Parents We’d Like To Be Do?) We both admire adventurous spirits, but in terms of family activities we do so mostly from afar. It seems likely that these parents would have jumped on the plane and dealt with it. Were we being dull and boring? 

Had we jumped on the plan, the outcome for us might have been better – since we’d be celebrating Sarah’s new ABD status and Iris’ regularity as a family – but then both Iris and I wouldn’t be able to experience quite so viscerally the importance of everything that Sarah does. Iris’ favorite word since Sarah left is “mama.” She utters it constantly.

Two final notes:

During Iris’ second nap today she ripped off her canula. Before putting it back on I decided to test her saturation levels, just to see. The readings were between 95 and 97 – way too high to be accurate. But they stayed there for a few minutes, so I decided to suspend disbelief and let her spend some time cordless. The last time her sats were this high off O2 we were at sea level – but we were also on vacation. Who knows, maybe my presence during the day is all she needs. In any case, after her nap we went outside and played in the dirt. See pictures below. I tested her again when we came in and got a reading of 91. This is a more reasonable reading and means she responded well to the prednisolone. Good news.

Sometimes Sarah’s blog posts contain things that Sarah hasn’t had a chance to tell me yet, especially when I read them at work. I find that very pleasing. Some of this current post will be new to Sarah, and I’m glad to return the favor.

Iris in her new big hat. See how it darkens her face.

Iris plowing the fields and earning her keep.

Iris wondering when I'm going to start helping out around here.